Minga Was a Jedi
by Smenzer
Summary: A Jedi named Minga is sent to Undertaker to get answers and suffers an ill fate. Set during the second Kuroshitsuji musical. Oneshot.
1. Chapter 1

Minga was a Jedi

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine.

Note: I got this crazy idea from watching the second Kuroshitsuji musical. There is a line that Undertaker says that sounds like "Minga was a Jedi". He's speaking Japanese and saying the words kind of slow, but that's how it _sounds_ to someone who does not know Japanese. The subtitles say he's actually saying something like "A human was incapable of committing the murders". But I decided to run with the plot bunny, to see why Undertaker was talking about a Jedi. In case anyone is curious, the sentence in question is shortly after Sebastian sings the "love" song.

This story takes place during "The Most Beautiful Death in the World". For Star Wars, its set during the Prequels, before the Jedi discover Palpatine is the Sith Master.

000

Minga stared down at the tight and uncomfortable dress she had been forced to wear while on this mission. Before the Jedi Council had called her forth and assigned her this mission, she had never heard of this backwater planet or of the being called Undertaker. How the Council knew he even existed, she didn't know. But they were desperate and that called for desperate measures. Since she was human, she could fit in among the locals and pass by without odd stares. Still, she didn't like it.

And so she found herself walking the dirty streets of London, her Jedi Starfighter hidden in a nearby forest. A corset was tightly wrapped around her chest, constricting her movement and her breathing. The Council had been very specific about the mode of dress, saying she had to wear this, that and so forth. Each item had been worse than the previous one. But she put them on anyway without grumbling.

She lifted her heavy skirts as she stepped up onto the next curb from the muddy street. The long gown with the heavy skirts was far different from the lose Jedi Robes she was used to. She would have a hard time running or fighting in this outfit. An outrageous hat was tied onto her head, her long hair arranged in a fancy hairdo beneath it. The hat was tied on with a long ribbon that went under her chin. White gloves went up to her elbows and the strange shoes made her feet ache. She was a Jedi and thus was trained to handle all sorts of hardship. She would not complain over such minor things. Still, she wished for a planet that was more advanced. Why she had to hide her origins from another star was not completely understood.

After several more blocks of old fashioned buildings, carriages pulled by horses rolling by, she finally reached Undertaker's office. She spied the huge sign above the door and sighed with relief. Pulling it open, she hurried within.

It was dark inside, the interior lit with burning candles. The Jedi Council had warned her of this, saying it would be extremely primitive. But by the Force, she had hoped they might have at least electricity! Wooden coffins decorated the room, some lying flat on the floor and others leaning up against the wall. The more she saw, the more confused she grew. How could this Undertaker ever help the Council?

"Hello?" She called uncertainly to the empty room. "Is anyone here?"

"Hehehehe…" A voice laughed as a coffin lead creaked open. Long fingers appeared then, the fingers tipped with impossibly long black fingernails. "Welcome!"

The man climbed out of the coffin, a goofy grin on his face. He wore a long black robe and a black nightcap with a very long tail was on his head. His hair was as white as snow, a few long braids in it. And his too-long bangs covered his eyes. She could just see the remains of a scar on his face. "Do you want to have tea and cookies with me?"

"Are you Undertaker?" She asked as she stared at him in surprise. She hadn't known what to expect, but he was not it. She reached out with the Force towards him and sensed he was not human. Weird vibes came off of him and she didn't know what to make of them.

"Yes, that is me." He grinned, showing yellowed teeth. Reaching into an urn meant for deceased peoples' ashes, he pulled forth a cookie shaped like a bone and offered it to her. "Cookie?"

Minga accepted the cookie to be polite. "The Jedi Council has sent me for intelligence. I presume you know who they are?"

The strange man nodded. "I know all sorts of things, my dear. What is your name?"

"Minga." She replied as she carefully seated herself on a closed coffin and arranged the long skirts about herself. She took a deep breath, trying to get air into her lungs. The tight dress and the corset were beginning to affect her. She should have taken a carriage to Undertaker's shop but she didn't have any of the local currency. Besides, she was used to physical activity and she never dreamed the odd clothing could affect her so much.

"Welcome Minga." He grinned and set about making some strange drink he called earl gray tea. When it was ready, he handed her a cup of the stuff, the fine china cup setting on a saucer. "Now what can I do for you?"

"The Jedi Council is in desperate need of aid. They said you have ways of knowing things…" Minga paused, a hand on her chest. It felt like she was running out of air in this clothing. "They need to know who the Sith Master is. Do you know?"

"Hehehehehe…" He chuckled as he lifted his cup of tea. "Of course I do! I know all sorts of things you see, but I do not give information away for free. You must pay me."

"Pay?" She asked as she gazed down into the dark reddish liquid in her cup. "What do you desire?"

"Laughter! I want you to make me laugh!" Undertaker leaped up from his chair and jumped about, excited. His long white hair flew around. "I'll do anything for a good laugh!"

Minga stared at him in shock. He wanted her to make him laugh? How was she to do that? She didn't know any jokes as she was a serious minded Jedi.

Undertaker paused in his gyrations. He bent over and peered at her. "You are going to make me laugh, yes? It is but a cheap price to find out the information you seek!"

"Of course." She replied but her mind was blank. She couldn't think of one funny thing, not a single thing. How could she when there was such turmoil in the galaxy? And she was not the type to joke around anyway. She had studied hard in all of her studies and practiced long hours. But surely she could think of something, anything? "Ummm…Master Mace has a purple lightsaber?"

"That's not funny at all!" Undertaker declared with a frown, waving a hand at her.

"Anakin Skywalker has filled the Jedi Temple with droids?"

"No… that is horrible!" Undertaker said glumly as he collapsed onto the coffin he had been using as a chair.

"I'm afraid I'm not good at this sort of thing…" She said as she tried to rake her brain for anything remotely funny. But nothing made her laugh. Jedi were trained to be serious.

"Well, you can either keep trying or come back later…" Undertaker told her.

Minga tried all sorts of things for two hours and the only affect they had on Undertaker was to put him to sleep. He lay on top of the closed coffin, loud snores issuing from his open mouth.

Defeated, Minga rose and silently left his shop. She would make her way back to her hidden ship and call the Council. She would then ask for them to supply the necessary jokes to get the desired information. The sky overhead was growing dark, people hurrying home for the night. She thought of the long and torturous walk ahead of her, frowning. The shoes were pinching her toes painfully and the arch of her foot was hurting from lack of arch support. She half suspected facing a Sith would be preferable to this ancient footwear.

She conversed two more long blocks, the yellow glow of streetlights casting their light onto her. Her steps echoed loudly as she made her way back towards the distant wooded area. She tightly gripped the heavy skirts in her hands as she walked, the material making a soft swooshing sound. Once again she became short of breath, this time black spots dancing before her eyes.

She paused, leaning heavily on a convenient streetlight post, the metal of the post cool in the evening air. She gasped for air open-mouthed. This archaic form of dress was going to kill her if she didn't get it loose somehow! She looked about, hoping to see someone, anyone…

A nicely dressed man appeared then, coming around the corner. He wore a dark suit, a white shirt and a loosely knotted tie. Black gloves covered his hands.

"Good Sir," Minga cried out to him. "Could I have a bit of assistance please?"

"Sure…" The blonde man smiled at her somewhat crookedly as he approached. "You won't have any problems anymore…"

The next second he whipped out something long, swinging it at her. She had the brief impression of an edge with small teeth on it.

Then everything went dark.

000

Undertaker was examining the latest murder victim to be brought to his shop. He recognized her, of course. It was Minga the Jedi. He found her hidden lightsaber within her heavy skirts and tucked it away in a safe spot, grinning. He never knew when such a thing might come in handy.

The bell above his shop rang and he turned to regard the new visitors. To his delight, it was the Earl Phantomhive and his demon butler. At least they could make him laugh. Still, he decided he wanted something different this day. He had listened to way too many lame jokes from the Jedi and couldn't stand the idea of sitting through more of them.

And so Undertaker threw an unexpected trick at Ciel Phantomhive, shocking the poor boy.

"I want to experience love!"

The End


	2. Minga Is a Jedi

Minga 2

Note: I decided to write a few alternate versions of this story for fun. Each is a separate oneshot.

Minga IS a Jedi

Minga stood before the Jedi Council a tad nervously as she had never been called before them before. In the brief message that she had received ordering her to come before them, she had been informed she would be given a special mission. She was clueless as to why she of all of the Jedi was chosen for this assignment. She thought she was average with no special skills. She worked hard, studied hard and tried to live up to the spotless reputation a proper Jedi should possess.

The Jedi Council sat on their cushions, the breathtaking view of Coruscant visible behind them. Master Mace pressed a button and a star chart filled the room. Quickly a distant planet Minga had never heard of was picked out and started to glow a brilliant blue. "You will go to this planet and visit an eldritch being there. He has strange powers and seems to know things. How he knows these things is unknown but his information has never been wrong. His name is Undertaker."

"Undertaker?" She repeated, thinking it was a very unusual name.

"We don't believe that's his real name but a cover." Master Mace added as he shifted to pick up some documents that had been resting on the floor next to his beige cushion. He held them out to her. "You'll need these."

She stepped forward, her blue eyes landing on the strange material. The top one contained a photo and to her shock it was of the Supreme Chancellor. Then her eyes grew wider as she realized he had been caught in a very compromising position. His rear seemed to be stuck in one of the waste containers in the Jedi Cafeteria, his thin body bent in half. His mouth was open wide as he yelled silently and his arms were waving about in the air. His legs seemed to be kicking. "But…"

"Yes, that's Chancellor Palpatine." Mace confirmed as if he had read her mind. "That happened a few years ago when a bunch of Younglings almost ran him over. He was knocked backward and got stuck in that trash can. Unfortunately, someone from the press caught the scene on camera. Hopefully it'll make Undertaker laugh."

"Make him laugh you must." Yoda told her. "Information he provide only for laughs."

Mace nodded his bald shiny head in agreement. "We have other funny photos here. Hopefully one will do the trick. We had them printed on paper because the planet where he lives is very primitive. You'll not to let anyone know you're from off world. Dress like they do and behave appropriately."

"What am I to ask him?"

"Ask him who the Sith Master is."

000

Minga sat on the closed coffin in Undertaker's shop. She munched on the bone cookie and drank the tea. Truthfully both were very good, better than she had ever expected. She was glad now that she hadn't followed the Council's orders to the exact letter. They had been strict with telling her to wear this, this and that but when she had tried it all on she could barely breathe. So she had left the too-tight corset off and wore her Jedi athletic bra instead. Without the corset strangling her, the dress was much more bearable. And so she sat in comfort on the coffin lid as she watched the strange silver haired man.

At the moment Undertaker was rolling around on the floor in hysterics. Streams of water leaked out of his unseen eyes and his body quivered. Loud laughter issued forth practically nonstop. Each time it seemed to be coming to an end he would look at one of the photos and it would start all over again.

Minga secretly felt relieved. Without the photos she feared her mission would have failed.

After what had seemed like hours, Undertaker got himself under control. He weakly climbed up onto his coffin and wiped his face with the long edge of his black sleeve. When he spoke his voice was incredibly horse. "What is it you want to know, my dear? I'll tell you anything, anything at all!"

"Who is the Sith Master?" Once the question left her lips, she waited with held breath. Would he really know?

"The Sith Master is the man in this photo: Supreme Chancellor Palpatine. He uses the name of Darth Sidious."

Minga gasped in horror at the words, a hand flying to her mouth. "No! It can't be!"

"But it is, my dear." Undertaker said with a smile of yellow teeth. "I just know these things…"

"I must leave at once!" Minga leaped off from the closed coffin and hurried out the door. Since her skirts were so long she had ditched the uncomfortable shoes for her regular Jedi boots. She moved with ease down the sidewalk as she made her way back towards her hidden Jedi Starfighter. She wanted to hurry so she could call the Council but didn't want to attract undue attention to herself.

The day rapidly grew dark and it was later than she had thought. Most of the time had been taken up with the creature's wild laughter. She duly noted the streets were almost empty now, the old-fashioned lights casting a yellow glow every so many feet. It was shocking to realize that actual fires burned within the glass globes atop the posts.

A man came around the corner ahead. He wore a brown overcoat and a cap pulled low over his head. A white hanky was in his hand and as she watched he raised it to his nose as if to use it. But when it got close to his nose, he seemed to sway backward and made an awful face.

Instantly Minga's nerves were on alert, her senses reaching outward with the Force. He continued to come close to her and when he was abreast, passing her by, he tried to shove the bit of white fabric under her nose. A horrible medicinal smell hit her in the face and she spun on her heel, turning. Her fist rose at Jedi speed and rammed into his chin. A shocked expression crossed his face then as he flew backward into the nearby brick building. His hat fell off to reveal shiny blonde hair. His eyes seemed to roll around and then he slumped on the sidewalk unconscious.

Minga left him lying there and continued on her way feeling pleased she had stopped a criminal. She should have used the Jedi Mind Trick on him possibly, but she was in a hurry. The identity of the Sith Master took priority over all.

Soon she was in the woods and quickly clambered up into the Jedi Starfighter. Ordering the astrotech droid to connect her to the Jedi Council she waited anxiously.

A moment later Master Mace's dark face appeared in blue hologram.

"Did you get the information from Undertaker?"

"Yes! He said it was Chancellor Palpatine!"

Mace nodded glumly. "That makes sense. It explains why the Senate is acting as if under control of the Sith and why we're being blocked. Excellent work, Minga. We'll handle it from here."

Minga sighed with relief. She reached into the cockpit and pulled out her regular clothing. She would change before heading home but she would keep the dress as a reminder of the day she had helped save the entire Jedi Order from the grips of the Sith Master.

The End


End file.
